Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
