he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
