i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
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