3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
