we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize