I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
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