tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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