The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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