I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
