Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
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