it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
