The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just put wine in my tea
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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