Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
