it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
