You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
