Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
