I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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