mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
