Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
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