Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
