Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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