I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
