He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
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We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
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at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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