I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
