It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
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This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
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Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
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