You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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