They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
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My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
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Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos