i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
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Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
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I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀