you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
