She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?