My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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