i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes