Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
