today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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