i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
