I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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