he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
