wrigley field is MILF paradise
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
and you fell through a lawn chair
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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