I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
