I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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