No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize