pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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