I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
