So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
