Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
