If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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