a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
