While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
