How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
