Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
We got so high we made milksteak
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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