Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(919): View more from North Carolina

We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.

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(705): View more from Ontario

He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.

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(312): View more from Illinois

I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.

(224): View more from Illinois

Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.

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(719): View more from Colorado

We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?

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(803): View more from South Carolina

I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.

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(916): View more from California

I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.

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(304): View more from West Virginia

When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.

(606): View more from Kentucky

Fuck him.

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(503): View more from Oregon

I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.

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