well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
