We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
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What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
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I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
How does it feel to date your dad?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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