Betty ford says i'm here all night
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
