Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
