We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
