Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
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