In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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