the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
