i don't like sucking hair
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
