forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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