yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
