Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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