You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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