So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
