If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
