i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
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