The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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