Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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