I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
