When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I think pants incapable of making pants work
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
