SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
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ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
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Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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