booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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