im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
