Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
