i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
