Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
