Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
