Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
