Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
