Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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