walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Randomize
