i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Randomize
