It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
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