But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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