that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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