i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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