doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
