Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
